Discord held his gift out in front of him as he flew, double checking once again that the inhabitant was doing well and still sleeping. They seemed fine, if a bit cramped; he'd shrunk the egg down to a more reasonable size -no need to make Fluttershy think she was getting a pet baby lindworm or something- and modified it so that they baby would, hopefully, be able to pierce and crack the shell with their horn once he woke them up.

Their horn… he hoped noone would think too much about it. He was fairly certain they wouldn't at least; ponies of one type gave birth to ponies of another type all the time after all. And the wings could come from the baby's griffin side, so they'd hopefully just assume the horn was because they were part unicorn.

Still, he'd figured he'd try to disguise it just to be safe; at first he attempted to change the color of it, to make it stand out less and have it's origins be less obvious… but he also didn't want to use too much chaos magic on it, in case the magic decided to do something else as well; it was finicky like that. So all he'd managed to do was shift it's hue just barely. Now, Discord still liked the way the lighter blue clashed against the yellow body, but his superior taste in color schemes didn't matter as much as making the horn look authentic. So he just made the front legs blue too.

Or, at least, he hoped he did.

He brought the brightly wrapped package up to his face, peering through the paper and shell of the egg inside to stare at the curled up figure. It was hard to tell in the dark, but he still thought they looked blue —colors were a bit messy to him, because he often forgot what different wavelengths of light meant.

Well, nothing to do about it now. He'd arrived at the outskirts of the cottage's lands, and greeted the animals that had turned to stare at him with a bow.

"Nothing to see here, just delivering a gift to my good friend to celebrate the occasion," he said. The animals didn't understand him of course, but he was never one to pass up an audience, even a stupid one. "Although, I can see now that you're not following the dress code for this!" He clicked his heels together, and the birds suddenly started to glow and blink in festive colors, appearing as a living string of holiday-lights, as all the rest of the animals became decked out in bobble-hats and bells-covered harnesses. He also made sure to curb their fear-response at this; no need to make Fluttershy have to spend her day trying to calm them down again.

"Happy Hearth's warming!" he shouted over his shoulder, as he left the confused animals and headed for the front door of the cottage.

The cottage was decorated a little bit; colorful fabric strips hung across its front, and the door and windows had paper snowflakes hanging from them. But there were no lights or glitter, presumably so that no animals would injure themselves by gnawing on the cables or eating the glitter. Still, this just wouldn't do —Discord's best friend, with muted and understated decorations? He gave himself a second pair of front legs and clapped his talon and paw together several times, each time at a different timespan from one another. The dead grass on the roof began to sway in accordance with his claps, shaking the snow off of them, and the other shrubs pulsated with the non-rhythm. He ended with a final loud clap, and the grass shot up stems topped with glittery flowers, as colorful glowing fruit ruptured from the shrubs' branches. Perfect.

"What's going on?" a voice said from inside the house, too whispered and too muffled by the walls for any real creature to be able to hear without magic —but that didn't stop Discord of course. He quickly twirled into position in front of the door, wide smile, jazzhands with one pair of forelegs, holding out the present with the other. He also gave himself a blinking pair of novelty antlers.

"Oh, hello Disord!" Fluttershy said happily as she saw him. Heat bloomed in his chest, and Discord tried to not think about how much he enjoyed hearing a pony being actually happy at his presence.

"Come in, come in, the others are already here!" She backed into the house, and he could see a bunch of other ponies crowded into her living room. Her parents whom he liked only because they'd made Fluttershy, her annoying brother whom he didn't extend the same courtesy too, the griffon she liked too much, a few other griffons Discord recognized but didn't bother remembering the names off… were crammed in between animals, furniture and evergreen decorations.

Discord didn't much feel squeezing himself in there too, nor had he planned to stay too long —trying to be polite and not upset to Fluttershy’s family whom she was even more protective of than others, wasn’t exactly his idea of a good time. So he instead shook his head, and floated away from the door again.

“Ah, I’m just here to drop this off,” he said, and held the gift aloft. “And I think you should open it out here.” Plus, wasn’t childbirth -or child-hatching- a private affair?

“…Why?” Fluttershy asked, wearily.

Discord just turned his head into a labrador’s and enlarged his eyes and pupils, giving her the ultimate puppy-dog eyes. “Pleeeaase? It’s a private surprise —but you’ll love it, I promise!” He snapped his claws. “There, I even made the temperature here faster so you’ll be comfortable!”

Fluttershy still looked suspicious, but started to walk outside. Discord still felt like he was forgetting something….

Oh, right, her …companion.

He grimaced. “Oh, and your… Gil-da, should probably come too… I guess it’s partially a gift for her as well. …..A very small partial.”

Fluttershy blinked, and turned to look at the griffon in question, who just stared back, equally confused. They seemed to speak telepathically for a second (Was that something griffons could do? Discord didn’t think so, but you never knew… he started a few more strands of thought filled with dancing quantum physics and pineapples just to be sure) before the griffon shrugged, and followed Fluttershy out the door.

He rubbed his back feet together excitedly, and closed the door behind the two once they’d exited. The griffon was staring intently at him, as if he was about to attack at any second. Fluttershy was glancing around, as if he was hiding something more than the gift he was carrying. She squinted her eyes at the glowing birds sitting in the trees for a second before seeming to dismiss it, and instead turned to look back at the cottage.

“Oh, you decorated!” she clapped her hooves together. “That’s why you wanted us to— Oh, it looks so pretty and festive. Thank you Discord!” She flew up to hug his midriff, careful not to jostle the package.

…Right! He had done that. He forgot.

“Well, yes yes, I’m amazing—” He pushed her away gently, so he could hold out the gift instead. “—but decorations are just part of the service. This was the actual gift I’m giving you.”

Fluttershy smiled and reached out to grab it, when Discord had a thought and pulled it back slightly. “Oh, but it’s very… fragile, yes. Let’s go with that.” He held it out again. “Please be careful.”

Fluttershy shared a look with Gilda -really, he needed to look up telepathy- and reached towards the package again. This time, Discord let her take it.

She gingerly held it close as she landed, and bit onto the mess of a wrapping job he’d done, pulling it apart. The messy paper was partially because Discord and neat don’t go well together, but also because he’d made sure it’d fall apart at the slightest tug. Wouldn’t do to break the egg before they’d even seen it.

“Oh!” Fluttershy exclaimed as soon as she saw what was beneath the paper. “It’s a…” She looked at the egg from every side. “…a…” She lifted it a few times, clearly trying to gauge its weight. “…a… Discord, what egg is this?”

He couldn’t stop the wide grin that spread across his muzzle. “Yours!”

“…right, but what species? And why are you giving it to me? Where’s its parents??” Fluttershy gasped. “You didn’t steal it, did you? Discord…”

“Of course not!” Discord sniffed and crossed his front legs. “I know better after how upset you got last time.”

“Then… it’s an orphan? Oh, poor thing!” Fluttershy hugged it closer to her. “But, Discord, what is it?”

“..and why am I here?” the griffon finally interrupted. “You don’t like me.”

Well, Discord supposed they’d waited in suspense long enough. He didn’t snap any fingers, so they didn’t notice it, but he used a trickle of invisible magic to wake the baby up. He also made them extremely interested in getting out.

Immediately, the eggshell began to distort as the baby pushed their head against the top. Fluttershy thrust it out from her chest; instinctively not dropping it, luckily.

With a mix between a ripping and cracking sound -Discord had made the eggshell somewhat of a mix between that of a lizard and bird’s on accident- the baby’s horn pierced the shell and the baby erupted fourth. Bits of shell stuck to it as it waved its head around in agitation. Its large eyes blinked and squinted in the sudden brightness around it.

Discord couldn’t hold it any more.

“Congratulations!!!” He shouted at the top of his lungs, making a shower of cheering confetti rain down around them. “It’s a— “ Pause. Discord realised he didn’t actually know. “—a baby!” That works.

Fluttershy and the griffon appeared to be in some type of shock. In sync, they turned to stare at Discord. Telepathy, gotta look it up.

“..what?” The griffon whispered.

Really, so slow on the uptake that one. “It. is. a. ba-by.” He supposed he had to spell it out. “You. are. Moms.” He made another confetti rain. “Congratulations! Again!”

Fluttershy and the griffon did another creepy synchronised look, this time at the baby. Fluttershy’s hooves began to shake slightly, making the baby move their head around in confusion at the vibrations.

To be honest, the baby didn’t care much what the adults around them did unless it was feeding them or taking them somewhere warmer. And seeing as the vibrating wasn’t that, they opened their mouth and began to cry loudly. Discord generally didn’t find most noises annoying -his name was Discord for tartarus’ sake- but somehow babies always managed to hit juuust the right pitch to grate on him. So he just adjusted his ears to stop hearing such high frequencies. Not having a meat-body has its advantages sometimes.

It was a good thing he did too, considering the squeaky-toy-sounding yell the griffon suddenly let out. That’s not very nice of her; yes, the baby might be slimy and a bit ugly, but all babies are like that at first.

But, whatever. He didn’t do this for her, he did it for Fluttershy. He turned his attention to her expectantly, waiting to see her reaction to her new bundle of joy.


Fluttershy fainted.



Rude.