spike got some big teenage feelings
a little more on spike and twilights relationship because i enjoy pain —
[Look Up Look Up by uunicornicc](https://www.deviantart.com/uunicornicc/art/Look-Up-Look-Up-899135848)


1.) Spike wasn't immediately taken by the idea of being an older brother — when Twilight first announced they were expecting a child, Spike withdrew, massively. Of course he'd been more than happy to accept her friends into his life, and then for her to marry Rainbow (they all seemed to make Twilight happy, after all) — but when there's a new baby on the way, he can't help but feel almost like he's being replaced, and this new, happy little baby was going to take the role he struggled to fill

2.) "Do NOT call me 'mama'!! I am NOT your MOM! I never will be! I never WANT to be!!"

He begins to think about how Twilight had never asked for him, how one day she'd just been given a baby dragon that she had to take care of. He thinks about how if she had been given a choice, how he wouldn't exist, or he wouldn't even know her. He starts to think about how Twilight must have just seen him as a burden for years.

and this is not an unfounded feeling. See, baby twilight really tried her best to look after spike, but at the end of the day, she was just a kid. she didnt know a thing about parenting, and made many mistakes along the way.

Spike for the most part over the years, did not blame her. he understood she was just doing the best she could… but when twilight decides later in life that she actively WANTS a child? and is suddenly buying baby clothes, setting up a nursery, excitedly prepping for this new arrival — he's suddenly reminded of how unwanted he'd felt as a kid.

And this does not go unnoticed by Twilight.

3.)

"Shit, shit."

Twilight's eyes shot open, rudely awoken by a loud clatter and faint cursing down the hallway. The room was pitch black, Celestia knows what time it was, with little sound coming from inside the room except Rainbow's heavy breathing next to her.

She perked her ears up and listened again, managing to make out the distant sound of shuffling. Not hoofsteps, but instead heavy plods against marble flooring.

Instantly recognising the sound, she lifted herself up, bringing herself to her hooves as quickly as she could manage ), before heading out of the room into the castle corridor.

The air was cold against her face, but she didn't stop. She followed the sounds to their source, plodding her way down the stairs into the castle's main atrium.

Half way down the stairs, she spotted a large figure, opening the main castle doors, just about to make an exit…

"Spike?"

Spike stopped. His shoulders slumped and he seemed to wince.

"Spike, close the door."

Twilight's voice was firmer now. Spike seemed to let out a begrudged sigh, giving in and shutting the door, turning around to face her. Twilight continued down the stairs, not keeping her eyes off of him.

"Spike… where are you- no, where have you been?"

He didn't answer, he just continued looking at Twilight as she slowly made her way to the bottom of the stairs. He seemed for a second like he was about to rush to help her, but stopped himself.

"Spike, I barely see you anymore. please, where have you been going?"

Spike still didn't answer.

Twilight rose her voice slightly, "Spike?"

"Dragonlands," he finally mumbled, breaking eye contact to look down at the floor.

"The Dragonlands…? But why?"

"Because I'm a dragon?" Spike raised an eyebrow.

"Well of course but I mean, you're not a…." Twilight caught herself mid sentence, "Sorry, I just mean it's not like you to be away from home so much."

"Uhuh."

Twilight took a step closer. She lowered her head down to his head level, catching his eye contact.

"I'm only asking because I'm concerned, Spike. You've not been yourself recently."

Spike snorted, "Yeah, okay."

"Excuse me?" Twilight lifted her head, and Spike followed.

"Like you're actually concerned."

"I am, Spike," Twilight said firmly, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"What, like you've not got something else on your mind right now?"

Twilight flicked her tail.

"Is there something I've done? Are you mad at me? Please, Spike, let me help you. Whatever it is we can work through it togeth"

"Oh you want to help? I've got something you can help with," Spike's voice grew louder, though with a little bit of an uncertain wobble. He strode past her, heading toward a stack of recently delivered boxes. They had been placed neatly by the castle doors, but were now scattered out all over the floor. Spike rested one of his front paws on the largest one.

"Tell me, when I was a baby like a REALLY baby, BABY dragon, did you ever buy any of this crap?"

Twilight was silent, the pieces finally fitting together in her head. Spike continued, voice threatening to crack.

"Because you know, my… my memory's not the greatest, but I don't remember any fancy toys or expensive cribs."

"Spike…" Twilight's voice came out in a whisper.

"Or, y-you know, my own room, decorated, picked out just for me. Because I know you weren't expecting me but I didn't even get my own room until….well, until we moved into the castle."

"I was a child."

"Yes. You were," Spike's expression softened for a second, but moments later he was even angrier. "That's just it though. You were a child.You had no choice. You never actually chose me."

Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off.

"I was just the pet you suddenly had to look after. You HATED me."

"No! I never hated you"

"I always thought you were just making the best of a bad situation, that you didnt actually want a kid to look after, that you…. you didn't want to be a mom.. but now you have a choice, and suddenly you want it."

"Spike, please I"

He was crying now.

"I… I'm just trying to understand, Twilight, really, because it's not making much sense. After years of telling me NOT to call you mom, suddenly you want to be one?"

"Spike, no, this is… this is different I…"

Spike started stepping closer. Instinctively Twilight took a step back

"What, because it's not ME? Because the kid's a pony this time? Because this time you had a choice?"

"No! I made a mistake, I"

He was towering over her now, wings open.

"Because, finally, after all these years of struggling, you finally figured out a way to REPLACE ME?"

"NO!"

"HEY!"

They both turned around, Rainbow was stood at the top of the stairs, looking down at them both with tired, confused eyes.

"What in Equestria is going on down here?!"

Both Twilight and Spike looked up at her in silence. Spike's face was red, tears flowing down his face. Twilight could feel her own cheeks wet, too, though she wasn't sure when that had happened.


Spike shook his head, pawing at his eyes.

"Nothing," he grumbled, "I'm out of here."

He turned back around, pulling the castle doors open, and slamming them shut behind him.

—-

4 and 5.)

Both Twilight and Spike know, really, it's neither one of thems fault, and that they're both just doing their best.

Eventually, after storming out, Spike comes home. Tired and broken from almost a month of travelling in the harsh wilderness alone, he falls into Twilight's arms muttering apology after apology. and Twilight says them back. She would never, EVER replace him, nor would she turn back time and get rid of him if she could. She loves him. She's scared of this foal, too, but it won't ever change how she feels about him.

Spike still takes sometime to get adjusted to a new kid. They both have a lot to face up ahead (and good god do they both need therapy) — but Spike, eventually, learns to love this foal (Birdie), and the rest of the twidash kids. I drew him meeting Birdie a few years ago actually and the exact moment he realised he must protect the tiny baby. ill draw more twidash kids and spike bonding to make up for this at some point, donut worry xx
[Sparkle Family Stuff by uunicornicc](https://www.deviantart.com/uunicornicc/art/Sparkle-Family-Stuff-803285522)