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I love Frosted Mini Wheats. Sure, they're basically sugared cardboard, but the crunchy texture and explosion of milk when you bite into them is a joy.

My love, however, does not extend to their terrible, awful, unfuckable mascot. I cannot accept that the company responsible for Tony the Tiger and Toucan Sam took one look at this lazy turd of a mascot and thought. "Love it. Can't wait for the furries to lewd it!"

This is unacceptable, and while I am not one to normally take actions for the sake of my community, since that sounds like work, I am making an exception in this case. I call upon my followers to write down your suggestions for a new mascot for Kellogg's Frosted Mini Wheats!

Here are the guidelines:

1. It has to be a cartoon animal. It's freaking Kelloggs, for crying out loud! Sure, they took a misstep with Snap, Crackle and Pop, but we must not falter just because they did.

2. How many female cereal mascots can you name? That's right. None! Is this supposed to be acceptable? Of course not! Kelloggs, you had the opportunity to bless us with a female mascot when you gave us Mini Wheats, and failed. We shall not, however. The mascot must be female.

3. While it's only really necessary to suggest what kind of animal to pick, you do not need to stop there. What's the cereal's iconic tagline? Something to challenge "They're GRRREAT!" and "Trix are for kids!" And how about the character's name, or choice of outfit?

This is it. Your chance to save Western Civilization from collapsing under it's own ennui. Come July, I will gather all your suggestions and let my Patrons vote on the winner, which will get a design by me.