Hello everyone

It has been a lot of time since I have drawn something. Well, that's not actually true. I have been trying to draw something since May but … I haven't been able to do so. I have plenty of sketches, concepts, drafts but nothing final. Nothing finished. It has frustrated me because I do want to draw. I want to draw so much. Something has been troubling me lately. Well, many things have been troubling me lately but I am not sure I am not alone in that regard.

There have been many things happening on the grander scale, including the latest war which is happening 2 countries away from me. We can all feel the consequences. Everything is getting expensive. Many people struggle to make ends meet. I myself have lost half my savings in the past year and the impending inflation will most likely reduce the remaining half. There has been something else which has happened to me, personally. I do not wish to discuss it here. It concerns my family and it has made me realize something.

I am the youngest person of my generation. Everyone I know is older than me by a large margin. My brother is the closest to me and he is 11 years older. The realization I've had is that I will live to see everyone I love die. You know, I believed that death of someone close is something you get used to. It is natural, after all, to die of old age. I should just accept that. But … it does not get easier. I thought it would be just like any other pain. After you experinece it many times, you get used to it. It does not seem to work like that. If anything, it is the opposite. The pain and fear gets worse and worse as you realize how many people will eventually be lost.

I needed to write this out. Moreover, I need to draw this picture. I needed to finally draw something. Drawing, it helps with deal with many things. It is comforting. Before May I was unable to draw because I cut the palm of my hand open at work. This prevented me to properly grip and lift heavy things. I could still draw with it, since I haven't cut my drawing hand, but I still use the other hand to hold and adjust the paper which was discomforting. In short, I have decided to stop drawing for a while. But this has been only a mild inconvenience in comparison to the realization I have had.

As my hand healed, I went a little bit crazy. It was May the 4th and Mermay so I've decided to start drawing Star Wars fan-art, some mermaids, I also should finish the Magic Knight Rayearth fan-art I've started. Oh, I should also design some new dress and I should continue with the MLP alternate universe I've created … There are so many things to draw … and that's what I've done. I've tried to draw everything so in the end, I have drawn nothing. I've ended up with a pile of half-finished sketches.

That is why I've drawn this. I've decided to focus on a single picture. I've finally decided to tackle this vice of drawing many pictures at once.
Since I have been a bit stressed, I have drawn my happy place. It is a small pond near my home and … something I've never wanted to draw. I've never wanted to draw a ponysona or anything that would reflect my appearance. I thought it would result in either failing to depict myself accurately or idealizing myself. I did try my best and here it is. It's me attempt to depict myself. You be the judge.

Hopefully, now I can focus on finishing my other pictures, one by one. There will also be some changes to what I draw, first of which is rather negative. I am sorry for this but the alternate universe I've tried to create? My Lethal Ponies. I it is a bit sad but I will be cancelling that. I have rewatched much of Friendship is Magic and I've realized that I've tried to turn MLP into something it is not. I would much rather depict Equestria in it's hopeful, fairy-taleish state.
I am also not that great at writting. Expressing myself through words has never been my strong suit. I know that now, after reading so many great fan-fictions. XeviousGreenII and his beautiful comic. Sinaherib and his wholesome, yet deep depiction of Mane 6 and their future generation. Those are only a few. I'm afraid I don't really have what it takes to write well and consistently enough. I apologize to anyone who really enjoyed my stories but I would much rather focus on general MLP fan-art as well as my original creations.

In the past, I often looked down on artists who have abandoned their works. It would be hypocritical of me to give myself a free pass. I have failed in this and I am sorry. Now I understand that there are good reasons to quit some of your works, admitting that it is beyond your skill and capability. But there's benefit to failing, I get to learn from my mistakes. I hope this will help me be better in my future endeavours.