Born to Silly

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It was a quiet evening in the streets of Las Pegasus, and the athletic Firefly chose to take the opportunity for a late jog. Changing into her form-fitting jogging attire, Firefly took off at a steady pace down the sidewalk, passing by the occasional pedestrian during her run.
As Firefly jogged across town, the sun dipped further in the horizon, which she took as her cue to start heading back to the apartment she was staying at. She then turned in the opposite direction and jogged back in the direction to her residence. But right as Firefly finally reached the steps to her apartment complex, she saw two men in hoodies swiftly approaching her from her right. It didn't escape her notice that one of the men's hands were jammed deep into his pockets.
"You boys lost?" Firefly asked.
One of the hooded men tilted his head. "…Yeah. She's the one."
Firefly instinctively took a step back. "Sorry to burst your bubble, fellas, but I'm married."
The other man let out a chuckle. "Trust me, sweetie, I wouldn't be asking permission for your number." He then pulled out a roll of tape in one hand, while his partner pulled out a thick rag and a large bottle with a clear liquid inside.
Firefly clenched her fists. "You sure you wanna do this?"
"Once we nab you, we're gonna get pretty rich. So, yeah," the first hooded thug replied. He slowly took a few steps forward. "We promise to be gentle with you if you come along quietly-"
Firefly didn't give him a chance to finish as she lunged forward and socked the man right in the face, causing him to drop the rag and bottle. The other man dropped the tape roll and pulled out a pocket knife. He then surged forward, but his clumsy approach left him wide open as Firefly gracefully maneuvered her way around her attacker and swatted the knife from his hand. She then elbowed him in the face, right as she turned to sprint toward the apartment to call for help.
But before Firefly could even take a step forward, she felt a pair of rough arms coil around her waist. The first goon she punched held her tightly as he smothered Firefly's mouth with the rag. Firefly's determination gave way to fear when she recognized the aroma of chloroform the rag was soaked in.
"Dude, help me hold her down! She's a fighter!" the hooded captor barked at his comrade.
The other goon hobbled to his feet and helped his partner pin Firefly to the ground. She thrashed and squirmed in the men's grasp, shouting obscenities behind her gag, but her senses became weaker as she was forced to breathe in more of the anesthetic liquid. Finally, after a few tense minutes, Firefly's eyes rolled to the back of her head as her tense shoulders loosened.
One of the hooded goons sighed exhaustedly as he propped himself on his feet. "About damn time…"
"Don't relax just yet, man! Let's tie her up and get going before someone sees!"
The last thing Firefly could make out before drifting asleep was her two abductors lifting her up off the ground and away from her apartment.

All Firefly felt was a dull ache across her body. She harshly blinked her eyes to will away the haze that shrouded her vision. When she let out a weak moan, someone sitting beside her turned to face the captive athlete.
"Hey, she's waking up," one voice announced.
"Who cares? It's not like she can do nothin' now."
Firefly numbly shook her head. She strained to get back up, but she felt herself strapped to a car seat. As her vision became clearer, she noticed that she was buckled to a car seat in the back of a large van, with both of the hooded men who caught her inside as well. She also noticed that both her hands were wrapped tightly in large layers of adhesive tape.
"You comfy back there, sweetheart?" the goon driving the van asked in a sarcastic tone.
Firefly rolled her eyes. "If you consider being the victim of a kidnapping comfortable, then sure."
The thug sitting beside her scoffed. "At least you still got your wit."
"Don't worry. You won't be like this forever. As long as that girl of yours meets our demands," the driver explained.
Firefly's blood went cold. "…What do you mean?"
The goon sitting beside her shrugged. "Oh, come on. You don't think being the mama of one of the Elements of Harmony is bound to get you some attention?"
"And since your daughter's close friends with that nerdy princess, they'd pay top dollar to get you back," the driver added.
Firefly gritted her teeth. "Listen. Do whatever you want with me, I don't care. But if you so much as remotely mess with my daughter, I'm gonna break your skulls in."
The goon sitting next to Firefly inched slightly away from her piercing gaze. The driver, meanwhile, chuckled ominously.
"Well, since you're the one who insisted…" he looked up at the rearview mirror. "Shut her up, would ya?"
The other lackey nodded hesitantly as he pulled out another roll of tape. Firefly's anger rose as she immediately understood what was about to happen.
"You want me to dislocate your limbs?" she threatened.
"Do you want us to knock you out again?" the driver countered.
Firefly grunted as the second goon began wrapping her mouth in thick layers of tape. He wound the tape around the lower half of Firefly's face a few times, until she could barely utter a sound behind her sticky gag. The hooded captor leaned back in his seat as he marveled at his handiwork.
"Damn, I wish I had my phone," he remarked.
"Ghh bhkk yhrslf," Firefly mumbled behind her gag.
"Alright, no more talk till we get back to the hideout," the driver instructed. "But I guess you don't gotta worry about that issue, don't you, hot hips?"
Firefly growled under her taped lips as she struggled in her seat. As her kidnappers drove her further into the night, she fervently hoped that Rainbow Dash would be alright. She also resolved to hold her promise to beat her captors so badly they'd wish they were never born once she escaped.
And that wasn't a matter of debate.


—I subscribe to the headcanon of Firefly being Rainbow Dash's mother. I know the show said otherwise, but personally, it just feels a lot better than canon the more I think about it.

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